I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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