Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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