its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
