anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
