Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My vagina is officially offended.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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