the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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