So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
