And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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