Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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