Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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