Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
