omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My vagina is officially offended.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
