I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
