Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
