Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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