Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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