You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
