My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
