I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
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her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
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Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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