Jerry, you need to find god
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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