just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
