too bad you live with your parents still
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
