pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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