I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
