he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
