you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize