we're chasing vodka with high fives
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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