I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
