I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
Iโm the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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