omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
