don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
