he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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