its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
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Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
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Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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