That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
