watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
