Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia