Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym