Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake