Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.