just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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