it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
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I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
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I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now