Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's official drugs can't kill me
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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