I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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