Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
