i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize