yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
