Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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