the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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