Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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