3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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