i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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