My nipple is on Facebook.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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