Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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