i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
