Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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