So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
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Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
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