Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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