she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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