just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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