Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
