My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
