Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
