Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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