It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
