Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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