we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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