I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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