i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I lost the right to judge tonight
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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