which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
