Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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