We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
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He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
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My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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