So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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