Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He told me they were just razor bumps!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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