I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
