I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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