I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
