he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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