I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
