sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
