A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
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