We're like a lot better than the average bears
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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