She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
