Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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