They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
