Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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