i jhust puked up my retainher.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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